I wanted to share a few tips with all fellow step parents new and old looking for a helping hand.
I have been a step parent for 5 years now, my husband has 2 children from a previous marriage and they are now 16 and 12. We also have a child of our own who is 4, step parents have a tough role in life and it IS NOT easy. My step son age 16 has recently moved in with us and has that been a life changing event.
There are many pros of having stepchildren living at your home, as being the step parent you will ALMOST ALWAYS be the bad parent regardless if you have done everything to the advantage of the child or not. You will most certainly go to bed crying at night not understanding why you are always made out to be the bad person. The biggest and most important role to keep in being that step parent is knowing your spouse is behind you 110%
The children need to realize you are there to stay and so are they so they can make the most of it or suffer in their self pity for the next how many ever years until they turn of age. I will be with my husband when the children move out and start there own family, and I keep telling myself this is our house my husband and mine so... TOUGH LOVE comes to mind.
No matter how much your step children despise you and ignore you, in the end 95% of children will come back to their step parent for advice and love when they are adults themselves. No step parent is EVER alone if they have an understanding with their spouse about how they feel and the children know you are as much of an authority as their mom or dad is.
One thing you should NEVER, EVER do is make your spouse choose between you and his/her kids, if that is how you feel and you make mention of this to your spouse then by all means your spouse should ALWAYS say "It has been fun and you will be missed, so pack your bags." Remember to always work together as a team and in the end YOU WILL be REWARDED.
By Kristen Swanson
There are many pros of having stepchildren living at your home, as being the step parent you will ALMOST ALWAYS be the bad parent regardless if you have done everything to the advantage of the child or not. You will most certainly go to bed crying at night not understanding why you are always made out to be the bad person. The biggest and most important role to keep in being that step parent is knowing your spouse is behind you 110%
The children need to realize you are there to stay and so are they so they can make the most of it or suffer in their self pity for the next how many ever years until they turn of age. I will be with my husband when the children move out and start there own family, and I keep telling myself this is our house my husband and mine so... TOUGH LOVE comes to mind.
No matter how much your step children despise you and ignore you, in the end 95% of children will come back to their step parent for advice and love when they are adults themselves. No step parent is EVER alone if they have an understanding with their spouse about how they feel and the children know you are as much of an authority as their mom or dad is.
One thing you should NEVER, EVER do is make your spouse choose between you and his/her kids, if that is how you feel and you make mention of this to your spouse then by all means your spouse should ALWAYS say "It has been fun and you will be missed, so pack your bags." Remember to always work together as a team and in the end YOU WILL be REWARDED.
By Kristen Swanson
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