As bad as it is for the person suffering from depression
, it can in many ways be just as bad for the spouse or loved one of that person. Studies have shown that couples with one spouse that is depressed are nine times more likely to divorce. In a nation where the divorce rate is already well over 50%, that is a considerable figure.One of the main reasons for stress brought into a marriage as the result of depression is that inevitably, the bulk of the household chores end up falling to the non-depressed spouse. If the husband is chronically depressed, the wife may find herself having to take up much of the slack. This can naturally breed resentment and bitter feelings on the part of the spouse who is overworked.
By the same token, just living with a depressed person can take a toll. None of us particularly enjoy being around negative people, so living with someone who is in such a state pretty much all the time guarantees hard feelings no matter how hard the other spouse tries to deal with and or how noble their intentions may be. When depression strikes, everyone in the household is affected.
There is also the theory that depression can become contagious, simply as the result of living with a depressed spouse for so long. Like any major illness, depression can spill over
and begin affecting anyone living in the same house for extended periods.Depression makes itself apparent in virtually every aspect of one's life, from attitudes, general life outlook, tone of voice, posture, personal hygiene, spiritual life, etc.
So how do you deal with a depressed spouse
without allowing it to drag you in as well?Don't wait for the problem to become major. Allowing your spouse to hit rock bottom puts them at serious risk for suicide attempts. Recognize the warning signs and offer help early on to prevent a small problem from becoming a big one. Learn the pattern behaviors that accompany depression, and let them know that you are there for them and want to help them.
Be gentle but firm. Tell them that they have a problem but do not do it in an accusing or judgmental way. Recognize depression for what it is, a very real but treatable condition that the person suffering from genuinely cannot help.
Recognize that the odds favor improvement. Over 90% of depression cases are treatable, either through medication, counseling, or a combination of the two.
Get an education. Learn all you can about depression. Knowledge is power and the more you learn about this intruder into your relationship
, the better equipped you will be to combat it.Admit to yourself and your spouse that you cannot cure their depression. You're not qualified, trained, or experienced in these matters to do so. The best you can do is to be there for them, remind them that you love them, that they are worth living for, and that their life ha intrinsic value. You'd be surprised at just how far a supportive spouse can take somebody who is suffering.
Find support for YOU. Living in this situation is not easy. You need to have a support structure in place to take care of you, someone to fall back on when you need to talk, unwind, or unload. Of course the ideal person would be somebody else who has experienced what you are going through, but any good friend or family member will also be a good choice. You will need this support, this listening ear, from time to time.
Understand that while depression can wreck your marriage, you need to work on the depression first. Trying to heal yourmarriage
while your spouse is still bogged down in their emotional state is much like stumbling into quicksand, then trying to cheer yourself up by eating a few arsenic laced brownies. It won't work. Help your spouse deal with what they are facing first, then you can begin to repair the damage inflicted.Depression isn't easy for anybody involved. Educate yourself, get help for your spouse and yourself, then go forward and live well.
By Billy D. Ritchie
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