Where Did You Leave Your Marriage?

Is it under the couch with the dust bunnies? Did you leave it under the pile of bills? Did you forget it in the delivery room? Figuring out where you left your marriage may be harder than you think. You may have even left it at the alter. Wherever it is make sure you find it! Whether or not you have kids, your family depends on you keeping track of your marriage. How do you keep track of your keys? You make sure you put them in the same place every night so you know where to get them in the morning. Its like clockwork! Marriages can work the same way.

First let me distinguish between monotonous responsibility and scheduled time with your spouse. Monotonous responsibility happens when a couple gets in a routine of kissing goodbye in the morning or saying I love you before going to bed. These are both great things to do and COULD be done genuinely, but more times than not they are done out of habit without any real feeling behind it. Likewise if someone tell you to do something for your spouse and your heart isn't in it then DON'T DO IT! Find ways that are genuine. Scheduled time with your spouse may not always be the time that one or both spouse WANT to spend the time, but daily responsibilities require this schedule to take place. Think of it as a date! Pick a spot in your house that is cozy and keep that area clean even if the rest of the house is messy. Make this a sanctuary. Look forward to time spent whether it is in Bible study, playing board games, or reading the newspaper together. SPEND TIME!

If you do have kids, they will quickly learn that this is mommy and daddy time AND that mommy and daddy are happier because of it! My kids play nicely (not always quietly) when my husband and I want to talk or take time. They know that our relationship needs to come first. This transition may take some time but is WELL worth the effort. Think back to when you first decided to get married. Didn't you WANT to spend more time with this person? And now life has just taken over and there is less and less time to spend. Make it a point to spend at LEAST 15 minutes a day with your spouse. Even if it starts out simply talking about the schedule for the next day; that's better than nothing!

So, what if you want to go deeper into this relationship? There are several ways to do this. One is a group Bible study. These usually are based on a book of the Bible or a book someone has recently written. Group interaction can bring to light ideas you may have never thought before. Using the same idea, a couple could study on their own and the experience could be much more personal. Either way you will gain new knowledge in your relationship which makes it stronger. Another way to deepen a relationship is to read a non-religious relationship book or find any number of lists on the internet of questions to ask your spouse during intimate discussion. The bottom line is to do SOMETHING. Make sure both spouses agree and have a desire to learn more about each other.

By Jennifer Kittell